


Halfway to Happiness

by Whooly_Shep



Series: Mysteries, ghosts & teen angst [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alana is a Goddamn Delight, Alternate Universe - Canada, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Badass Alana Beck, Friendship, Gay, Ghosts, I stole some of these tags, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Moroccan Alana Beck, Slow Burn, Slow burn so slow they don’t get together in this part of the series, Supernatural Elements, Teen Angst, The gayng, Witches, mental health is complex, yes it happens in Canada
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-01-24 15:42:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18574525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whooly_Shep/pseuds/Whooly_Shep
Summary: Evan Hansen’s senior year starts out with a bang. That’s a lie, it starts out with a scream. He’s the one screaming but that’s not really the important part. Between ghosts, curses and other weird happenings, Evan’s senior year promises to be full of very unexpected surprises. If he manages to survive it.Or deh au where supernatural stuff happens and the gayng tries to solve the mystery of what exactly is going on all the while dealing with personal issues. I suck at summaries.





	1. Chapter 1

It’s a monday morning and Evan feels like dying. First day of senior year not even first period yet and Evan has had enough. He feels like everything is too much and there’s sirens going off in his head.

He feels restless and there’s no reason for it. It doesn’t even feel like his usual anxiety. Even Jared stops joking about him jerking off to notice that something is wrong. Evan tries to convince himself that it’s nothing while ignoring Jared who’s going off on a tangent again.

Then Jared yells something at Connor Murphy and the world starts spinning.

There’s yelling and Evan knows that maybe he should be listening but in that moment everything is just too much. Then Jared’s gone and Connor’s turning to Evan like it’s his fault that Jared yelled whatever he said to Connor before leaving.

Evan’s been staring too long now.

“ What the fuck are you looking at?” he screams at Evan before pushing him to the ground and stalking away.

Evan stays there for a moment. The sirens aren’t as loud anymore. They’ve dwindled down to an annoying ringing that leaves a headache in it’s wake. This really isn’t a good day for Evan.

Then Zoe comes over and apologizes to Evan. She comes just as fast as she goes. Gone in whirlwind of sorry’s and goodbyes. Evan thinks maybe he made her uncomfortable somehow or maybe she just doesn’t like to talk to people she doesn’t know. 

Class goes as it usual does for a first day of school year. The teachers introduce themselves. Some make the students write about themselves while others warn them that the year will be though. In one case, a very expressive teacher does nothing to help Evan’s anxiety by telling them that there will be many test to be flunked by the entirety of the class. Said teacher is of course a Math teacher.

Through out the day a tightening feeling would curl around in Evan’s chest. Something was wrong wrong wrong and Evan didn’t even know what is was. He couldn’t even rationalize the stress, there was just something bad, it was there and it wouldn’t go away.

During lunch he felt even more queasy than usual. He spent the entirety of lunch eating in the least used bathroom as usual. It was probably the school’s smallest bathroom, in-between the first year’s drama class and the mezzanine that oversees the basketball gym. It’s so far from everything that nobody even wants to go there. Evan’s heard rumours that some people go have sex in the bathrooms. He’s never seen anyone but himself the during lunch so those rumours are probably fake.

After lunch Evan has a free period. He feels like he needs to go do something but doesn’t know what so he tries convince himself that it’s the letter his mom said he should write. The one he’s supposed to be writing on his own even though he doesn’t want to think about it. It stays in the back his mind.

Today might suck but at least he’s going to write a letter to himself. He has to because how else is he going to bitch at life. It’s not like can actually get three words out without stuttering and even when he can he just gets cut of by somebody else talking. Then again who would care enough to listen to Evan moan about his life. Probably nobody.

Evan writes his letter. It talks about everything he doesn’t want to tell anybody. It talks about things his mom would tear up over. It talks about how lonely he is, about he wants to be part of something, anything. To be anything other than what he is right now, than what he is period. That he would want a friend like Zoe, anyone who would even feign care or interest in him. The letter is probably a lot sadder and deprecating than it’s supposed to be but it’s not like he’s going to show this to anyone, let alone his therapist.

He presses print but the letter decides to just not come out. He decides that he’s spent enough time in the computer lab and gets up. He’s slinging his backpack over his shoulders when Connor Murphy walks in looking less murderous than usual and maybe even repentant. 

He’s heading over to where Evan is.  
He’s heading over to Evan and the alarm bells in his head are ringing louder and louder.  
Evan feels like the world is spinning and tumbling down around him and he doesn’t know WHY.

It takes him a second to realize that Connor has just spoken to him.

“Sorry, what?”

“I said sorry about earlier. It was a dick move.” Connor apparently repeats. Evan’s not really sure why what happened this morning made Connor feel like he needed to apologize but he’s not about to say that out loud to somebody he barely knows.

“It’s, it’s fine. But thanks for that.” Evan says and then cringes because that sentence looks kind of weird and he’s feeling nauseous with every second that passes. The dread from earlier is back and it’s seeping into every fibre of his being.

“How’d you break your arm?” Connor asks ,obviously trying to make conversation with Evan. Evan tries not to flinch or think too much about it so he simply answers that he fell from a tree.

“That’s the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.” Connor says and Evan can’t wrap his head around why Connor is here. For some reason it feels like he shouldn’t, like he should be in class not listening to word that’s being said or somewhere skipping school and smoking weed.

Except that he’s here, in the computer lab talking with Evan and picking up his letter. Connor Murphy is picking up his letter. He shouldn’t be doing that, he can’t be doing that. Now it’s like it’s not just alarms screaming and blaring at Evan but the whole universe.

Connor says something accusative at Evan and this whole thing is wrong wrong wrong and Evan feels wrong wrong wrong. Evan feels like he’s going to vomit, like something needs to get out.

He opens his mouth and instead of burning acidic vomit coming out there’s a loud piercing scream. Evan can’t stop screaming, he screams so loudly and for so long that it doesn’t even sound like him anymore. It sounds like a dying animal, afraid and desperate to live. He’s not sure how long he screams but the second he stops, he falls to the ground. Dark creeping in and surrounding him until the world is no more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme know what you think. I know this might seem like a weird start for this fic but trust me it’ll make sense.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan wakes up and he makes a friend

When Evan comes to he’s laying in a bed somewhere dark. It takes him a few seconds to remember what happened. He knows he should feel a bit of anxiety or at least something at having done THAT. But instead Evan just feels tired. Oh so tired. He can’t bring himself to care. He’s happy to notice that the ringing in his head has gone away and has been replaced by silence. Evan’s mind isn’t usually this silent. Mostly it’s filled with his own voice telling him not fuck up even if sometimes there is nothing to “fuck up” so the silence is a nice change of pace.

Evan stays laying on the bed for a minute or two before the silence becomes too much and he decides to get up and go talk to the nurse or something.

When he gets out of the resting room and into the infirmary’s main office he sees Connor arguing loudly with a nurse. He doesn’t make his presence know as the two seem to be a bit preoccupied verbally tearing each other a new one. Evan decides to wait until they’ve stopped arguing because interrupting would be rude and he has no idea what he would say after stopping the ongoing conversation.

“I didn’t do anything to him he started screaming and then he just passed out” Connor says defensively while waving his hands around. This response however does not seem to satisfy the nurse as she gives him a look like she doesn’t trust him enough to believe what he’s saying. After a moment she decides to dignify Connor with a retort.

“Well there has to be a reason for what happened! People don’t normally just scream their head off so loud the whole school can hear it and then pass out and THEN start bleeding from their nose and ears like they’re the statue of the virgin Mary.” She replies snappily.

The conversation continues without really moving forwards, just going back and forth like a ball in a tennis match that’s been going on for far too long. Maybe it’s from passing out or having apparently bled profusely but Evan finds he really doesn’t care about why the conversation in front of him is even happening. So going against his own wishes he decides to interrupt. If not for himself then to at least defend Connor. Even if he did yell at Evan.

“He didn’t do anything. I just screamed for no reason and then I passed out” Evan says cutting the argument and making the nurse jump. She probably hadn’t expected him to be awake yet. 

She looks Evan up and down as if she could somehow see if he’s well or not now and if he’s lying or not. She apparently decides that Evan looks alive enough to make it through the rest of the day without dying and tells him to go. He doesn’t want to stick around too long because then her and Connor might start fighting again and it’d be weird for him to just stand there any longer while they resumed their verbal fight so he just bolts out of there.

He’s out of the infirmary and halfway down the corridor leading to the lockers before someone shouts after him. He stops in his tracks and turns around to see none other than Connor Murphy decidedly walking towards him. Just his luck. Evan was hoping he wouldn’t have to talk to Connor again. If anything just because he wasn’t sure how you talk to someone who screamed at you over a simple misunderstanding and then watched you scream your head off.

“Hey so like, I wanted to, I just mean that. Well it’s...” Connor for the first time in all of Evan’s brief interactions with the boy seems at a loss for words. Evan doesn’t want to interrupt whatever Connor’s going to say so he just waits for Connor to be able to articulate whatever he wants to say.

“I wanted to apologize.” Connor says finally. Evan is surprised a that. It must show through his face because Connor’s own face gets slightly defensive, more drawn and a bit aloof. Maybe he still thinks Evan is pranking him.

“Uh yeah thanks sorry I just um I know this is weird.” Evan says having no actual idea what he’s saying nor what he’s doing.

“Dude stop, don’t apologize. I was screaming at you like an hour ago for no good reason and then you passed out. If anybody should be apologizing it’s me.” 

“Still I mean the letter was weird and like I know how it seemed but it wasn’t a prank I swear.” Evan tries to say convincingly. It’s not that he’s lying it’s just that usually his stammering makes people think he’s lying. Apparently he was convincing enough because now it’s Connor’s turn to look surprised. Common decency musn’t be something he’s used to if Evan just validating Connor’s feelings gets this kind of a reaction. Then again Evan tries not to assume too much about people he doesn’t know well so he won’t count on that assumption to try to gauge Connor.

“But then why mention my sister at all? I mean it’s kinda weird that ‘all your hopes are pined on her’ or whatever.”

“I just meant that as in like all my hopes of not being a friendless loser are on her. I just said Zoe because she seems cool. Not like ‘cool’ cool like somebody who’s just popular but like somebody who’s friendly and wouldn’t care that I’m like... me.” Evan finishes rambling. Connor looks pensive for a moment before he holds out his hand.

“Do-over. Hi, I’m Connor Murphy, I can be an asshole who assumes a lot of stuff. I like long walks on the beach and the smell of campfires.” Connor says, finishing off with a humorous tone. Evan feels like he’s in an Eharmony commercial.   
He must be staring too long at Connor’s hand because Connor says “Don’t leave me hanging.” After a second Evan shakes Connor’s hand.

“Hey, I’m um, my name’s Evan Hansen. I like trees and reading I guess. I kinda have anxiety and yeah.”

After what feels like an appropriate amount of time they stop shaking hands. Maybe they had been doing it for too long but it had sort of felt like a joke when Connor had thrown a sly grin Evan’s way twenty seconds into the shake. Unlike the usual jokes that involved Evan this one didn’t make him feel like he was the butt of a cruel prank. More like he was inside on a secret only Connor and he know.

“So, I now pronounce us friends. If that’s alright with you.” Connor announces and Evan actually feels happy. Maybe all it takes is passing out on somebody and then BOOM you have a friend. Although it’s embarrassing, if Evan had known it was that easy a little earlier in his life maybe he would’ve screamed and passed out sooner on random people more often and not have had as much anxiety and worry that something was wrong with him stemming from the fact that he almost had no friends. A support system is after all important, or at least that’s what his therapist tells him.

“So like, I’m not really sure what we’re supposed to do now that we’re friends.” Connor says, then after a moment he asks “Wanna hang out or something?”. Evan thinks he might die, maybe today isn’t going to be such a bad day if things like these keep happening. First he gets a new friend for the first time in almost forever, although under extenuating circumstances, and then he gets invited for the first time in years to hang out without any pretences like car insurance hanging over Evan’s head and tainting his fun.

“Um, I, yeah, sure!” Evan says trying to emphasize that he’d be happy to and not that he’d rather not because he doesn’t like Connor. He does like Connor. So it’s important for Connor to think Evan likes him too otherwise Connor might not like Evan which would mean Evan would loose the only friend he’s made since primary school. Evan doesn’t want that to happen. Even though he knows that it probably wouldn’t happen, that Connor wouldn’t just stop being his friend because Evan didn’t put enough emphasis, he can’t help but think it.

“Actually like, it’s not that I don’t wanna hang out but I have to ask my mom if it’s alright if we hang out.” Evan says never stopping for a breath. Hopefully Connor doesn’t think Evan hates him. He probably does. Evan would if he was in Connor’s place. 

“Dude. Chill. You look like you’re about to explode. Just call her, I don’t mind.” He says interrupting Evan’s spiralling train of thought.

“Alright, just give me a second.”

After walking outside to call his mom because calling your parents inside the school is basically a death sentence with the executioner being some snarky jerk with an unnecessary comment on the tip of their tongue. Evan eventually does call his mom. She sounds surprised and a bit nervous to hear him call her tis early. Usually he doesn’t call her until later and even then those times are far and very few in between. He explains that he wants to go to a friend’s house and that he would be coming home later than usual and so if she came home early from her shift she wouldn’t see him. Then he asks her if he can go. She tells him that yes, of course he can go. After a bit more idle talk, Evan eventually tells her goodbye and hangs up after she tells him the same. He tries not to think about how happy she sounded when she heard that he was going to hang out with a friend, even more so when she became ecstatic at hearing that it wasn’t Jared. Guilt swims in his stomach just thinking about it so he pushes it down and turns to Connor, who he’d turned away from to make the call.

“So my mom says I can go, so now we can hang out.”

“Alright cool, do you mind if we go to my house? My parents want me home tonight or else they’ll probably take my entire car away”

“No, I don’t mind at all!” Evan says not even daring to rethink his decision, lest Connor misinterpret any hesitation.

“Okay, my car’s kinda far since literally every other kid in our that owns a car gets up at the asscrack of dawn to get a spot. That’s stupid too I mean, why sacrifice what little sleep us teenagers get just for a freaking parking spot?”

Evan doesn’t know how to respond to Connor’s rant and decides to simply hum in agreement at Connor’s statement. Evan doesn’t tell Connor he’s never really had to think about it because Evan and his mom can’t afford a second car, they can barely afford one in the first place. It’s better him not to put a damper on his and Connor’s conversation.

It takes less time than Evan would’ve imagined before what Evan can only assume might be Connor’s car comes into view. It’s black and moderately worn down. There’s rust on at least two fenders on Connor’s car. It looks a bit like, well, a car wreck. Evan thinks privately that it matches Connor well.

Evan turns his gaze away from the potential car crash waiting to happen, hoping to find something else to look at so as not to think about the ambulance trip he’s probably gonna take. Unfortunately for, he does find his salvation in something else to observe.

He finds it in a tall dark creature looming over a teenager his age. It’s figure crooked with it’s back going up and then back down like the overbearing branches of a weeping willow. The way it stands facing towards the teenager makes Evan glad he’s not in their place. The dark billowing being is too much for Evan to understand. The only thing he does understand is that whatever he is seeing, he shouldn’t be, no one should bear it witness.

Then Connor’s in front of him, snapping his fingers right next to Evan’s face like someone would to be snapped out of a trance. Evan doesn’t think he’s been hypnotized, but he also doesn’t think he knows what he’s thinking right now nor does he think he understands whatever’s just happened. 

“Dude are you okay?” Connor asks

“Um yeah, I mean sure, I mean um I, what? Why?”

“You were staring at nothing for like five minutes. I tried talking to you and calling your name but it took me getting up in your face and snapping my fingers for you to snap out of whatever that was. Sorry about that bu seriously, are you okay? With everything that’s happened today should you really be hanging out at my house and not at a hospital?”

“I uh, I think I’m good now.” He says. He probably doesn’t mean it but he just doesn’t want to think about it. Something instinctual, primal, almost like a leftover reflex from a long discarded muscle left behind by evolution tells him that maybe, he should be scared.

“Alright if you says so, but if you start feeling dizzy or anything tell me. I won’t hesitate to break several traffic laws to get you to the nearest hospital.”

“Please don’t, I’d feel bad. But like thanks” Evan says. 

Connor and him resume walking to the car. Evan lets himself look back over his shoulder only once. There is no sign of any eerie ethereal beings nor of the teenager Evan saw. There is now just an empty parking lot with nobody in sight. Everyone else is already gone. The only signs of life are Connor, Evan walking and the sound of the wind whispering it’s secrets as it shakes the branches of the trees.

As they get into Connor’s car Evan can’t help but think that he’s either going crazy or that he just escaped from something he can’t even begin to understand. Even though it shouldn’t make sense, he thinks he knows the latter to be the truth.

When they get in the car Connor must pick up on the fact that Evan’s mood is still weird because he flips through the radio stations until he finds a song to use to distract Evan out of his funk. Said song happens to be Suavemente by Elvis Crespo, a song everybody and their mother knows. Connor must’ve changed to a throwback channel because while the song is good it’s also a bit old.

By the time they stop at a red light a few streets from the school and the second verse hits Evan feels a bit better.

“Sooooooo” Connor says dragging out his O’s. “Who’s Richard Graves?” He asks quickly as if the question was a secret. Evan can’t help sending a confused look Connor’s way.

“Um, whomst?” He asks before realizing his mistake and abruptly shutting his mouth with a click. Jared can never know Evan inadvertently quoted him. He would rub it in Evan’s face and make fun of him with it until he was satisfied. Then he’d be on his merry way to go do something else leaving Evan alone, like always. Thankfully Connor doesn’t acknowledge Evan’s slip and keeps talking.

“Not that it’s any of my business but you kept repeating that name over and over again when you were passed out. Is he your boyfriend or something?” Connor finishes off while narrowly avoiding a car burning a red light.

“Um what? I mean no? I don’t have a boyfriend, not that there’s anything wrong with that, I mean I’m pretty sure I’m bisexual myself, not that you needed to know that sorry, I mean”

“Dude. Chill. I’m gay.”

“Oh ok. Cool cool.”

“I just wanted to know. I didn’t mean to like, give you another panic attack.”

“Sorry I know this is like, weird, I mean with everything that’s happened today and also that thing that happened like literally five minutes ago, I mean I understand if you don’t wanna hang out anymore.”

“Dude. Once again, chill. I still wanna hang out. I was just worried about you.”

“Oh um, thanks”

“No prob.”

After that a comfortable silence washes over the car. Evan’s fear is almost fully dissipated. Enough so that he has to wonder if what he saw earlier was even real. When the fear was palpable he knew without a doubt that what he saw was real, very much so. But now that he’s managed to calm down to his normal levels of scared and anxious, the beginning of doubts are starting to whisper their way into his head. Even so, another voice manages to assert itself over all the other. Quiet yet stern, Evan is scared to that it might be the voice of reason.

The car ride continues in relatively the same manner as before. They quietly have small talk while the radio continues to play in the background. Talking helps keep Evan’s mind off things but after a while they run out of things to talk about so Evan decides to just stare out of the car’s window, hoping it won’t fall off if he leans his head against it. He’s trying to figure out where exactly Connor’s house is by guessing which neighbourhood they’re in. Needless to say he has no idea where they are. Even after seeing a few street names that he’s never heard of before, not even in passing. 

The neighbourhood they’re in is blatantly wealthier than Evan’s. With houses that look less like houses and more like small castles with giant lawns that would fit perfectly on the cover of some suburban landscape catalog, Evan feels very out of place. It’s not that Evan and his mom are struggling financially, it’s just that they’re not that well off. Sure sometimes it’s hard for Evan’s mom to make ends meet and he just can’t help but to notice and feel guilty. So maybe sometimes he doesn’t just not order pizza because of his anxiety and maybe sometimes he doesn’t just cancel his therapist’s appointements because he doesn’t think he’ll be able to make it fit in his schedule. But still, it’s not like it’s harming anyone. 

When Connor’s car stops in front of a house Evan feels even more out of place. Connor’s house is huge, like all the other houses in the neighbourhood. Maybe even bigger. Evan thinks he once saw a show on tv with houses this big. It was mostly old people and dramatic music so it took less than a minute for Evan to change channels.

Evan’s not sure how he’s going to be supposed to act once he’s in front of Connor’s parents. Do they expect him to be overly polite? Do they expect him to be dressed super nice and all that? He only has his blue polo and jeans. Where is he supposed to find a tux? They apparently let Connor dress how he wants but what if that’s just because Connor’s their son?

“We’re here.” Connor says snapping Evan out of his thoughts and sealing his fate. Evan flinches in surprise at the sound of Connor’s voice breaking the silence. Connor doesn’t seem to notice as he’s too busy getting out of the car. Evan thinks that might be a good thing.

When Evan gets out of the car he steps on something that crunches under his weight. He moves his foot to find a single orange leaf on the ground. It’s unusual this early into fall to see fallen leaves but not unheard of.

“Hey, so when my parents get here we’re kinda gonna disappear into my room because otherwise you’ll have to endure the shitstorm that is my family, hope you don’t mind.”

“No uh, that alright.” Evan says, hoping that he won’t stay till dinner because that’d be new levels of awkward he hasn’t had to endure in years. Meeting the parents.

They go into what is probably the kitchen but looks like an industrial restaurant kitchen. Not very on par with what the kitchen magasines are deciding is in style if you asked Evan, but nobody is asking so Evan won’t tell.

“Want something to drink?” Connor asks beckoning towards an industry grade fridge.

“Uh just water”

“Dude this isn’t a restaurant,” ‘is it though?’ Evan thinks “you can take something to drink that’s not water and it costs nothing to me nor you.” Connor finishes with a defensive stance.

“Then uhm, what do you have?” 

Connor’s hands unclasp from where they were across his chest to move to the fridge’s handle. He opens it and then moves forwards into the fridge as if his whole body was going inside. After a minute he takes his head out and looks at Evan again.

“We’ve got milk, orange juice, pear juice, almond milk, soy milk and coconut water.” Connor lists off.

“I, I’ll have the pear juice.”

“Fancy. But good choice, sorry we don’t have anything like soda, my mom’s been on a health craze for like three years so anything carbonated isn’t allowed in the house.” Connor says taking a glass from a the cupboard and filling it with juice. He hands the glass over to Evan.

“Thanks.”

“No prob”

As Evan takes a sip he hears the click of the front door opening. Connor’s demeanour changes entirely from reluctantly relaxed to alarmed in a second. Evan himself is now alarmed because Connor Murphy doesn’t look very happy and he probably has a very good reason for that.

“Alright we’re going to my room.” He says taking Evan’s arm and leading him upstairs. The staircase they climb fast is impossibly fancy, Evan thinks it might be illegal for something that isn’t even alive to look so pretentious.

They get to Connor’s room and it’s different from the rest of the house, it doesn’t look as fancy as the rest of the house. For one thing there’s no door to the room for some reason so Evan doesn’t really get how Connor’s parents aren’t just gonna come in and see Evan.

“Wanna talk?” Connor says before jumping and landing face first onto his bead. Evan’s not sure if he’d ever have believed that he would spend the first day of sec 5 in Connor’s room. Definitely not. Then again he wasn’t even sure he was going to get to his last year of high school so really anything goes.

“Sure, although I gotta do the math homework from today.”

“True you guys in enriched math have homework. Well I can talk and you can do math.”

“Alright.”

That’s how they spend the afternoon, with Evan doing homework and Connor talking while staying five feet away from anything that needs effort to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to update, school and life had me busy, hopefully now that it’s summer I can iodate this semi regularly


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner at the Murphy house and weird dreams

After an hour of talking and of Connor decidedly not doing any homework they’re called down for supper. Connor seems reluctant to bring Evan 

When they get down to the kitchen Evan sees Connor’s mom and immediately knows her name is Cynthia. He not sure how he knows that. Just like he’s not sure how he knows what she looks like when she’s crying like her whole life has come crashing down. The image stays in his mind’s eye for some reason.

Connor bumps shoulders with him after Evan spends a minute staring at nothing.  
“Dude you okay? You look like you saw a ghost or something” Connor says.

Evan’s not sure what to say so he decides to say whatever he’s thinking “Maybe I did. “ Maybe it’s the wrong thing to say. Evan feels like it is but then Connor’s faces does something and then he looks a bit like he did earlier when he was joking.

“Don’t worry, the only thing that’s ever died in this house is the unsuspecting tastebuds of guests unaccustomed to the meals of mine own mother. Be wary oh young adventurer, of the vegan flaxseed lasagna.” He finishes off with a sly smile. Evan’s about to respond, or at least try to respond in tow, when Connor’s mom comes over and notices Evan.

“Honey, you didn’t tell me you were having a friend over.”

“Well it was a spur of the moment kind of thing.”

“Oh ok, is he your “ she’s abruptly cut off by Connor loudly clearing as if to stop her next words from escaping her mouth.

“No, he’s just a friend.” Connor says tersely. There is a silent conversation between Connor and his mother. Mere looks being exchanged were enough to convey words, substituted into a conversation in a language made of history that Evan doesn’t understand or speak.

“Alright then! Nice to meet you, you can call me Cynthia. Connor? Could you set the table?” She says. It less like a normal question and more like a hopeful suggestion. As if she expects Connor to simply outright deny her.

“Yeah sure, Ev come on.” Connor says. His mom looks really happy at that, like Connor saying those words is the equivalent to hanging the moon up in the sky. Connor doesn’t seem to notice as he’s too busy turning and getting what Evan can only assume are the utensils. Then again, maybe he did notice if the slightly too abrupt way he opens the kitchen drawer is anything to go by.

“MOM” he yells over his shoulder “How many are we tonight?” He screams down the hall only slightly less loudly. There is a moment of silence, not quite a minute but more than a second before she answers. Her voice coming from down the hall, clearly above what is probably her normal tone but most definitely not as high as it could be.

“FOUR, if Evan is staying, Zoe’s not coming over tonight.”

Connor takes out a few forks and knives, he then gives them to Evan simply saying “Hold these.”. He then opens a cabinet and balances a few plates into his arms. They head down to the dining room Connor very dramatically plops all the plates onto the table as if they were the heaviest thing in the world.

They go to place the things on the table and it’s not long before an awkward silence crashes into the living room. Evan hates awkward silences. He can never muster up the courage to break them because then he might seem weird for doing so and he doesn’t want to seem even more weird.

A tension hangs heavy in the air and Evan hates it almost as much as the silence that has befallen the room they’re currently in. Connor doesn’t even seem to notice and Evan isn’t sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. On one hand it’s a good thing that Connor isn’t aware of it because that means he won’t comment on it and make it even more awkward when Evan doesn’t know how to respond. On the other hand if Connor’s too busy to notice the silence then that must mean he’s too busy thinking about something and if he’s thinking that intensely about something then Evan won’t be able to stop trying to guess what Connor’s thinking. Either way Evan loses.

Turns out Connor is too busy thinking about whatever it is Connor Murphy likes to think about to notice Evan silently churn his brain into mulch. Connor is looking to the door through which he and Evan came through earlier. The faint sounds of things being moved around can be heard.

After a moment he turns to Evan with a serious look that tells Evan he needs to stop listening to his brain and start listening to Connor. He motions for Evan to sit down on a chair and then he himself sits down on the chair facing Evan. He looks like he is thinking about what he’s going to say before actually speaking.

“My parents are gonna ask you invasive questions so like, sorry in advance. Just don’t panic”

Evan’s panicking.

“If they say anything or ask any questions that make you uncomfortable just say Um eh em and I’ll take the attention away from you somehow. I’m no mind reader but you seem like a pretty anxious guy.”

Evan mirthlessly laughs before dryly replying, “Yeah, that, that’s an understatement.” At this Connor turns to look at him with a questioning look on his face.

“Sorry I just, I don’t do well under social pressure so this is kinda hell for me. Meeting parents and all.”

“If you want I can still tell them your mom called and said she wanted you back home, my dad’s probably gonna question if you were even real to begin with but I don’t really care what he thinks about me at this point.”

“N-no, I’ll stay. If I go then it’s gonna be awkward. Then the next time your parents are gonna ask questions about why I left early and then I’m probably gonna say the wrong thing and then of course they’ll think I’m weird. Then they’ll tell you that they think I’m weird and then you’ll probably start thinking I’m weird and not wanna hang out, so like no, I think I’m gonna stay.”

“Alright, your choice. But for the record, I wouldn’t think you’re weird.”

Evan doesn’t have time to ponder over Connor’s words because as soon as they’re out of his mouth Cynthia come into the room with a lasagna in tow. Behind her is also a man in his fifties who Evan can only assume is Connor’s dad. Seeing the man makes Evan happy that Connor showed him where he should sit, he heard from Jared that some families are apparently territorial over where people should sit. It sounds weird and maybe made up but even so, Evan is glad that he doesn’t have to deal with it.

Connor’s dad stops short when he sees Evan at the table, almost as if he had though Evan was someone else. He squints his eyes a bit then looks from Evan to Connor, as if trying to solve some complicated mathematical equation.

“Oh, you’re the friend!” The man says somewhat surprised.

“I told you we had a friend over.” Cynthia says. Cynthia, Cynthia, Cynthia. The name rings around Evan’s head like cannon shots. Evan feels like he knows a secret he can’t remember. Hidden away in his mind, buried under everything else yet just under the surface.

“I though you meant Zoe had a friend over.”

“No, I told you earlier. She’s at a friend’s house. Bao from band practice or something. Apparently the whole orchestra is there so she couldn’t miss out.”

Connor isn’t looking at either of his parents. Instead he’s staring down his plate. Fork in hand ready to eat a serving of tasty nothing. Evan thinks it’s almost comical how he’s moving his fork around his plate as if moving invisible food that isn’t there. It’s almost funny, almost.

Connor’s parents sit down and Evan can’t get their names out of his head. Cynthia and Larry, Cynthia and Larry, Cynthia and Larry. Their names bang and bounce around in his head, almost as if they were taunting him. Connor’s dad hasn’t even introduced himself yet. Evan thinks he might be insane.

After Connor’s mom(CynthiaCynthiaCynthia) has finished serving them her lasagna another silence washes over the dining room. It’s a different silence than the earlier one, it is also a worse kind of silence. It’s the family supper kind of silence where normal families should be talking freely and having banter back and forth. Filling up the emptiness of the room with conversations about nothing and everything. 

Evan is very familiar with this kind of silence. It usually comes after his mom runs out of things to talk at him about. They’ll just sit there and eat their food, pretending like they both don’t feel uncomfortable. Uncomfortable that they can’t bridge the distance between everyday chatter and their strained relationship. Sometimes they’ll accidentally catch each others glance but pretend it didn’t happen. Pretend things aren’t as bad as they seem. 

Mr. Murphy (LarryLarryLarry) starts speaking at some point. Evan only notices after Mr Murphy finishes his sentence. Evan hopes he wasn’t talking to him.

“So then, who is this?” 

“This is Evan.” Connor says quickly. His dad must take the quick response because his face hardens at the answer.

“Can’t he introduce himself Connor? He is after all a guest.” Something in Mr Murphy’s voice isn’t right. Evan thinks it might be the intonations he uses. Whatever it is, Evan knows there’s something else being said behind those words. Especially if Connor face is anything to go by.

“I’m uh, I’m Evan Hansen. Connor’s uh, friend.” The words fall out of Evan’s mouth onto his plate. If he really strains his imagination he can almost hear them clinking as the collide with the pristine porcelain. He hates each and every enunciated syllable almost as most as he hates himself in that moment.

“Nice to meet you. My name’s Larry.” Says politely. It’s only been five minutes and the conversation already feels stunted and mostly dead.

 

“So, how did you and Connor meet?” chirps Cynthia, obviously trying to keep what little conversation they’re having alive.

“I uh.” 

Evan doesn’t know how to answer the question. Maybe passing out isn’t the best way to make new friends after all. Evan doesn’t think he wants easy new friends if it means telling any hypothetical parents how he passed out and now suddenly their child and Evan are friends. It’s not how friends are usually made. Then again Evan isn’t really sure he understands or even knows how actual friendships happen. Tv is fake and books romanticize everything so that’s all Evan knows about friendship out of the way. Guess it wouldn’t be that easy.

He looks to Connor hoping that he can answer for Evan. Connor picks up on it and starts speaking.

“I was being an ass to Evan and realized it was kind of mean and not really his fault. So then I apologized to him and invited him over.”

Evan mentally thanks any deity that might be listening for giving Connor the ability to read Evan’s thoughts about how weird the way their friendship came to be. He kind of feels bad that Connor lied for him to his family, but not as much as he feels relieved.

“Connor, let Evan speak.” Larry says, apparently angry. Evan thinks it’s weird to call Larry Larry in his head. He might just call him Mr Murphy.

“Well excuse me.” Connor says dragging out his words. “I just don’t want my friend who’s uncomfortable to feel even more uncomfortable. You guys don’t exactly have the best track record for these things.”

Cynthia looks wary as she starts speaking. “Connor is this about.”

“No” Connor interrupts. “It’s not. I just don’t want Evan to run away too because this family is a mess.”

“Connor.” Says Mr Murphy warningly.

“What? Don’t you remember what happened last time?” replies Connor tersely.

“It’s not our fault your last boyfriend broke up with you.” Says Mr Murphy. He seems to regret the words as they’re falling out of his mouth. He doesn’t stop either.

“Fuck you!” booms Connor in response.

“Language!” Snaps Mr Murphy, although Evan thinks the words don’t have as much force behind them as they could have.

“Evan, are you finished?” asks Connor fast.

“Um, yes” Evan says trying to respond as fast. In reality there’s at least a third of his plate left but it’s not like he’s really hungry. Today’s events are catching up to Evan and he just feels tired. Bone achingly deep tired.

“Then I’m driving you home if there are no objections” Connor finishes sending one of those coded looks towards his parents. They seem to acquiesce as they don’t make a move nor do they make a sound to indicate that they don’t want him to go. Connor doesn’t quite seem pleased by this outcome but doesn’t voice his feelings on it.

Evan and Connor go back upstairs to the later’s room to retrieve Evan’s school things. There are pictures on the walls of the Murphy family. In the staircase Evan is able to spot a few professional family shots hanging off the walls. In all of them Evan notices that Connor is younger than he is now. In what Evan can only assume is the most recent Connor looks to be in third grade or somewhere are that time. Evan quietly wonders why there are no other pictures with Connor looking older after that.

Retrieving Evan’s things doesn’t take too long and before he even knows it he’s back in Connor’s car. The night air is still heavy with with what left of the summer’s humidity. Connor has his windows rolled all the way down as he drives. The late august wind flows in and Evan doesn’t really mind.

“Sorry about like, all of that.” 

“It’s alright, you did warn me.”

“Yeah but I probably could’ve done something else to get them not to be... well like they usually are.” 

“It’s alright.”

“If you say so.”

Evan stares out the window. The sun has already set even though it isn’t eight yet. In the darkness Evan can barely make out any of the houses they pass by. Once every four house a lamppost lights up the mostly empty streets. It’s weird how past a certain time the streets empty out with only a few stray people roaming around, almost like a ghost town.

“Can I ask?” Evan says.

“About the boyfriend thing?l

“Yes, but only if you want to. I mean I, I know it’s weird to like ask about things that are private but.”

“Dude” Connor interrupts “I don’t mind. You don’t seem like the type of person to judge or blabber and I literally just made you go through the worst supper possible on the first day I officially met you. If anyone’s weird here it’s me and my messed up family.”

“Alright. But for, for the record. I don’t think you’re messed up.”

“Thanks, anyways I use to have a boyfriend and we broke up the same night I introduced him to my family. It’s probably not even because of that that we broke up but it certainly didn’t help much.”

“So all the weird looks being shared that was?”

“History rearing it’s ugly head.”

“Sorry.”

“About what?”

“I don’t know, I just feel like all of this wouldn’t have happened if I’d just done things differently.”

“To be honest with you, oh mighty Evan Hansen, he who likes trees, it probably would have gone south no matter what you would have done and that’s not on you.”

“Okay, I don’t really believe that but if you say it then maybe it’s true.”

Connor turns to look at him with another one of his sly grins. His face red from reflecting the stop light they’re at.

“What?” Evan asks.

“Are you calling me a liar?” Connor exclaims in a very bad British accent. It so ridiculous that Evan just has to respond in tow.

“I’m I.” It takes him a moment to rearrange the words in his head. He wants this to be a good moment and just not mess it up. He has to sigh and take a breath to steady himself, but once he does he answers curtly “Not only am I calling you a liar I am also calling thou entire bloodline a bunch of liars.” Evan’s British accent is almost as bad as Connor’s.

“Will I never! At least thou has not insulted my cow!”Connor exclaims. It’s enough to send them both over the edge and they start laughing. 

Evan knows he should take a snapshot of this moment in his mind. Because for once he feels alright. For once he wants to remember every detail of this moment and not just live through it.

He wants to remember the feel of the fake leather seats on his skin, the way the soft wind blows to a specific spot of his neck, the way the humidity makes him feel sticky and disgusting . But most of all he knows he wants to remember what it feels like to not care what the person next to him thinks. It’s been a crazy day and the blood loss is probably to blame but Evan is too busy to care anything. If just for a moment. Later he’ll feel conscious about it and dissect every moment to see what Connor could tell somebody to embarrass Evan, but right now that’s not in his immediate train of thought.

They get to Evan’s house sooner than he’d want but he could never tell Connor that. The goodbyes are simple, a few see you at school and then Connor’s gone. Evan tests the door handle to see if it’s unlocked and finds that it isn’t. Usually when his mom is home she leaves the door unlocked. He always locks it when he leaves the house because he’s scared that somebody might break in without even having to do anything.

The lights are all off when he enters after unlocking the doors. It’s quiet, like usual. No sound except for the constant humming of the fridge in the kitchen. Evan doesn’t linger in the hallway in front of the front door, instead he just makes a beeline to his room.

He’s in his bed in less than three minutes. Loneliness clinging to his bones he just tries to fall asleep. If today was a good day then Evan is scared tomorrow might be a bad day. The universe isn’t fair and mental illness waits for no one.

It’s at night that Evan is most scared. Not of anything substantially real but more of himself, of his thoughts. He doesn’t just think about things he did in the past that make him cringe and want to punch a hole in the wall. It’s things that Evan tries not to think about everyday of his life, every waking moment. Things he shouldn’t wish but still does.

Before he knows it he’s fast asleep.

But then Evan finds that his feet are on wet grass. For some reason he’s standing even though he knows very well that he should be laying on his back. For some reason he’s looking down at his bare feet. They’re dirty, like he’s been walking through a muddy forest without shoes for a long time.

It doesn’t feel like he’s dreaming yet it also doesn’t feel like he’s awake. More like he’s seeing something he shouldn’t be seeing. Like a memory he’s supposed to have forgotten but hasn’t.

He finally looks up to get a look at his surroundings and finds himself in a familiar place. He’s at the cemetery. Maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s the people gathered around an empty hole the size of a coffin, whatever it is, it tips Evan off to when he is. He’s at his grandfather’s funeral.

Only that funeral happened years ago so this doesn’t really make sense. Another thing that doesn’t really make sense is the grandma that’s leaving flowers at the grave. She’s not his mom’s mom, she’s his dad’s mom. She wasn’t at that funeral. She was already dead by then.

In the distance Evan can see the outline of Connor Murphy with his messenger bag leaning against a tree. For some reason he knows that’s not what he needs to be looking at right now.

He looks back at his grandma only to find that she’s got her head thrown up and mouth wide open as if she’s trying to scream. Only, no sound is coming out of her mouth. It’s like she’s gone mute.

The fog that was hanging heavily around the cemetery seems to seep into the ground like water in a bathtub. Evan looks over to where Connor’s silhouette was standing but finds that there is nobody there anymore. Just the tree he was leaning against. A tree Evan is very familiar with. After all he did break his arm falling from it less than a month ago. 

There's a burning smell in the air. It kind of reminds Evan of the few times his father took out the barbecue before he left Evan and his mom. Only it's intense, so much more intense. There's a humidity to the air that Evan has only ever felt on the humid days of summer. 

This doesn't make sense, Evan thinks. The funeral happened in late March, Evan still remembers how his breath had been showing in the cold air as he'd cried.

He looks over his grandmother again and finds that she isn't wearing the black gloves she was wearing earlier. The grey sky matches her skin perfectly. The only imperfections on it being a few wrinkles and dirt. So much dirt on her hands it doesn't make sense.

She crouches in front of the empty grave and takes a handful of dirt. She throws in the hole and then she turns in Evan's direction. She sends him a forlorn look before speaking.

"I'm sorry Evan. About all of this." That's all she says and then she's walking away from the grave and then she's gone.

The ground under Evan's feet isn't grassy anymore. Evan's feet are slowly sinking into mud. Then the ground starts rumbling and suddenly Evan is falling.

Except then he's not falling anymore, he's drowning. He's being thrown around by currents and he doesn't know what's up and what's down.His eyes are closed shut and his lungs are burning, yearning for air.

Evan thinks he might be dying.

Then suddenly he’s not drowning anymore. But his lungs are still burning. They’re burning and there’s smoke everywhere, even in Evan’s lungs. He’s not wet anymore he’s on fire. And he’s burning up up up. It’s unbearable, Evan feel his skin cracking and oozing and he just wants to wake up.

Through the pain he distantly notes a cracking sound and that something is falling above him. Then there’s another piercing pain through his chest only this time it feels like something’s gone through him. His arms flair out and hit something in front of him. Evan realizes that there’s something going through his chest. There’s something going through his chest!

Then he wakes up.

He’s in his bed and he’s breathing very hard. He’s sweating so much he can’t tell if his face is covered in tears or sweat. Probably both. He knows that he isn’t dreaming anymore, that he’s back to reality and there’s no danger. But his brain and body aren’t getting the memo because his heart is still beating fast like he just ran a marathon.

The house is quiet with Evan’s rasps being the only sound echoing through his room. It takes him five minutes but Evan manages to calm down. He feels hollow and tired as if he didn’t get a wink of sleep the night before. 

Evan’s brain is a tangled mess like the bedsheets tied around his limbs from all the tossing and turning he probably did while ‘sleeping’. It’s like his mind thinks that all the things he dreamed really happened.

Evan looks over at his clock and sees that he woke up only slightly earlier than he usually does. He doesn’t want to but he has to get up and get dressed to get to school. He’d rather stay in bed but then his mom would get a call from the school and she’d have to give her shift to someone else to come check up on Evan. Then her boss would probably find out and fire her and they’d become homeless and it would all be Evan’s fault.

Still, he doesn’t wanna wake up.

After getting dressed like usual he goes downstairs to find that his mom has left a note on the table. She’s apologizing in it for some reason about not being able to come pick him up and leaving early for her shift. Evan leaves it on the table and goes to fix himself breakfast. It just toast but it’s something. Evan isn’t hungry, most of the time when he wakes up in the morning. He usually gets nausea from how early he wakes up.

The toast tastes like nothing with Evan's orange juice but it’s breakfast.

Evan goes to brush his teeth and the tooth paste leaves a weird taste in his mouth. It probably doesn’t help that he drank orange juice for breakfast. He puts on his socks and gets his stuff. Then he’s gone out the door to school. He hopes that the today will be a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, sorry it took so long to update. If you find any typos please tell me in the comments below and I’ll correct them. Also check out my tumblr @whooly-shep if you feel like it


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan and Connor go out to eat and see a familiar face along the way

A familiar scenery greets Evan as he’s walking to school. It’s the same path he’s walked since he started high school. Phantom pains are all over Evan’s body, as if he was still dreaming. Invisible flames licking his skin. Evan tries to scratch at the worse spots a bit like one might do to relieve an itch but it’s fruitless.

Evan just has to settle for walking in pain to school. He’s glad it’s mostly quiet and that there’s nobody around. There’s never anybody around. It’s either too early or too late in the morning to see a lot of people when Evan’s on his way to school. He only sees a few stray cars here and there.

When he gets to school the pain has almost disappated. Still, something feels off, like he's still dreaming, not in his own body. The freshness of the morning helps Evan stay awake.

Most people are coming in the main entrance while talking with their friends. Evan usually just comes in through the back door.

Somehow, a mere second after he gets to his locker Jared saunters up to him. He has a smile on his face that says I can slap the top of doorways and that's my defining personality trait. 

"Hey Ev, heard you got a smackdown from the school shooter himself."

"Wh-what?"

"Uugh get your ears checked out. I heard from David who heard from Audrey who heard that Ben saw Connor dragging your bloody limp body to the infirmary.”

“Um, and?"

"And what happened? Why did Connor beat you up? Did he find you have a crush on his sister or something?"

"Yes I mean no. I don't have a crush on his sister but he found one of my 'letters' where I mention her."

"Then what? Did he freak out and break your nose?"

"No! As you can clearly see my nose is still in the same place it was yesterday."

"I don't know about that" Jared says inspecting Evan. 

"I just passed out and started bleeding" Evan says now self consciously rubbing his nose.

“That’s kinda pathetic.”

“Yeah.” Evan says still rubbing his nose.

“Dude stop doing that your nose is fine I was just messing with you.” Jared says frustrated.

“Oh ok.”

“Anyways, bye.” Jared says and then he’s off to go talk to other people who definitely are nothing like Evan. After all, Jared doesn’t even seem to want to be around him for more than ten minutes. Evan should feel sad about it but the slow process of Jared and Evan going from close friends to friends to barely friends has been going for so long now that Evan can only reluctantly accept it. He’s too much of a coward to do anything about it or call Jared out on his behaviour. Instead they’ll just drift apart until college happens and Evan never sees Jared again because that’s what Jared wants.

When Evan finishes sorting through his things he closes his locker and sees Connor at the end of the hallway trying to open his own locker. Evan decides that for once, he's going to iniciate a conversation instead of having one imposed on him and heads over to Connor.

When he gets next to Connor he feels invisible eyes looking at him. There's distant buzz of whispering coming from his classmates. Connor for his part doesn't seem to notice as he's too busy trying and failing to open his locker.

"Hey." Evan says trying to start a conversation.

"Hey." Connor says not looking up from the puzzle in front of him.

"Sorry, I'm bothering you I'll just"

"No." Connor says finally looking up "You're not. I'm just trying yo figure this locker out."

"Oh, okay."

"Sorry again about my parents."

"It's uh, it's fine. But um, Jared told me that there's a rumour about you being spread around." 

Connor snorts "Isn't there always? I've heard them all. Think of the most ridiculous someone could say, someone has probably said something weirder about me."

"Really? What's the weirdest rumour you've heard?"

"The weirdest huh." Connor says pausing his endless wrestling with his locker to think. "I there's two insane ones that come to my mind. There was this one time where people thought that I was a ghost and that that's why I'm only in class half the time. The other crazy one is that I'm like a vampire or something and that I feed on teenagers à la Jennifer's body."

"Wow. That sucks."

"Yeah but it's also funny. Anyway, what's the new gossip? Or tea as the youths say."

"Well someone saw you carrying me yesterday and since I was passed out and bloody they assumed that we had gotten into a fight and that you'd won."

"Huh, well I guess that makes sense."

"Yeah." Evan says at a loss for what to say. 

“By the way, my mom feels guilty about what happened yesterday so she’s willing to let me go hang out with you and pay for whatever ‘fun activities’ we’re gonna do.”

“Fun activities?” Asks Evan not sure if he should be trying to understand some kind of euphemism.

“That’s just what she calls hanging out because she has no idea what kids these days do especially kids like me.”

“Well um I can’t tonight because I have an appointment but um, I think I’m free I’m tomorrow.”

“Where do you wanna go?”

“I, I don’t know. What about the Italian restaurant near town square?”

“Yeah sure, I haven’t been there in years. Hopefully they’re as good as I remember.” Connor says as he finally manages to open his locker. “Finally.” He says taking out his things. He slams his locker. Evan can’t help but flinch.

“So what do you have for first period?”

“French I think.”

“Good luck, I hear miss Jeanne only talks to her students in French so “

Evan and Connor both jump as a locker closes behind Connor. They both look behind Connor only to find no one there. Then Connor’s locker opens on it’s own.

“Oh, so now it opens!” Connor exclaims. Then his locker slams closed again. Only this time Connor isn’t the one who closed it. No one closed it.

Evan can’t help but notice that now some people are looking at them again. It doesn’t help that the locker has once again opened. Then it once again slams itself shut. Then it starts opening and closing itself shut again. Then again and again, faster and faster.

Then Alana Beck is running over and slamming the locker shut. She says something quick and then she turns to Evan and Connor.

“Sorry about that, the older lockers at school do that sometimes.”

“Um, alright thanks.” Connor says

“No problem, it shouldn’t happen again. I’ve gotta go but tell me if it does that again, I’ll get the janitor to replace it. Alright, bye Evan, bye Connor.”

“Bye” they both say not really sure what to make about the whirlwind of action that just happened.

“So that was...”

“Weird.”

“Yeah.” Connor says, then he looks at one of the numeric clocks that have been unevenly distributed onto the school walls and says “Gotta go, see you later.”

Evan barely has time to say goodbye before Connor is gone. He heads to his first class and it’s not long before half the day has already gone by. The dreaded lunch period is upon him and Evan has to make a choice. Try to find Connor at lunch or go eat in the bathroom.

After much mental debate Evan decides to bite the bullet and go to the cafeteria. He hopes that Connor will be there because otherwise he’ll just look like a lost lamb. 

Thankfully when Evan gets to the massive cafeteria he’s able to easily spot Connor sitting alone at one of the tables in the back. With his lunchbox in one hand he heads over to the table.

“Hey.” He says plopping down next to Connor. 

Before either of them have the time to say anything before Jared plops down on the seat in front of Evan. He has a shit eating grin on his face that tells Evan he’s going to provoke Connor and possibly ruin Evan’s new friendship.

“Well this is a new development.” Says Jared

“Not really.” says Connor on Evan’s right

“Really, cause apparently you beat up Evan so bad he was screaming.”

“That’s not really what happened.” Evan says.

“Then what happened?”

“I screamed and passed out. Then I started bleeding for some reason.”

“Uh huh. Blink twice if he’s holding you hostage.”

After an awkward minute of no one saying anything and Evan trying not to blink Jared seems to understand that Evan isn’t joking.

“Actually? Like, that’s what happened?”

“Well some other things happened but that’s the gist of it.” Says Connor who’s voice lets show that he’s starting to get annoyed by Jared’s mere presence which, to be fair, Evan can’t blame. Sometimes Evan wants to throttle Jared.

“Really? That doesn’t sound suspicious at all.”

“We hung out.” Says Evan trying unsuccessfully to diffuse the tension. His words only seem to make Jared be even more, well, Jared.

“Well then I guess I should leave you guys to it.” He says wiggling his eyebrows. The mere actions and it’s implications are inappropriate and stupid enough to make Evan pinch the bridge of his nose like someone who has a headache might do.

“Why are you even friends with him?”

“We use to be best friends because our moms knew each other before we were born. I guess he grew out of it or something. Now he says we’re ‘family friends’ whatever that means.”

“Sounds kinda shitty.”

“It is. If he gets sensitive about me being friends with you he’ll probably say I had a crush on your sister or something so that you get mad at me.”

“Actually?”

“Actually.”

“That’s even shittier. You should like friendship breakup with him.”

“I should... what?”

“Friendship breakup. You know breaking up with him but like, as friends.”

“Is that even a thing?”

“It could be, if you want it to.”

“How, I mean how would I even do that?”

“You go up to him and you say we need to talk. Then you say I’m friendship breaking up with you and it’s not me, it’s you.”

“Isn’t supposed to be ‘it’s not you, it’s me’?”

“Not in this case, I don’t think so.”

Lunch continues in a similar fashion, with Connor jokingly trying to get Evan to ‘Friendship Breakup’ with Jared and Evan. By the time lunch ends the conversation has moved onto other subjects such as what pizza is the best. Evan is happy that he manages to maintain his argument that curry pizza if done right can be good. Connor tries to disqualify it by saying it’s just flatbread with curry on it but Evan points out that curry pizzas usually have all the elements required to constitute a pizza and that all pizza is technically flatbread with some kind of spice sauce on top. Connor doesn’t find another argument by the end of lunch time.

Evan’s last class is chemistry. Fortunately Connor is also in chemistry. He seems surprised that Evan isn’t surprised he’s in chemistry.

“Why would I be surprised?”

“Because most people think I’m a burnout school shooter with no future.”

“I think we’ve already established that people have wildly varying opinions that can be very removed from reality, mister ghost.” 

“Oh haha mister curry pizza.”

“Don’t knock it till you try it.”

“Then where can I try it? I doubt there’s any restaurant ‘avant garde’ enough in town to even dare make it.”

“Well I had it at this one restaurant in Ottawa. When I was younger my mom and I use to go on day trips out of town and be back by the end of the day.”

“Sounds fun.”

“Boys in the back stop talking and do the work.” The teacher up in front of the class said.

They both looked at each other before concluding that, yes, they would do the work. Said work entailed reading the first few pages of their chemistry manual because their teacher is too lazy to actually do what they’re supposed to do, teach.

As Connor takes out his manual he accidentally knocks a stray beaker that had been left out for some reason. It falls off the table as if in slow motion before hitting the ground.

“Fuck.” Connor says.

Then for the second time that day something weird happens. Almost as if a video of the event was being played back, the glass beaker reconstructs itself. Shard after shard of pointy glass, they come back together. Sewn together as if a moment before gravity hadn’t done it’s handy work. Then the beaker floats back up onto the desk to where it was before it fell, as if it’s actions didn’t just break the laws of physics.

Evan thinks he might be going crazy but then he looks at Connor and sees that he’s feeling the same way Evan is. He’s stunned. They both look at each other for a moment. The moment doesn’t last long because suddenly the beaker falls off the desk again. It repeats itself two other times as if stuck on a loop before it finally crashes to the ground for the last time. The teacher screams at them in front of the class.

“Boys! What’s going on back there?”

“Nothing.” Exclaims Connor, “I just accidentally dropped a beaker.”

“Just one beaker?” asks the teacher finally getting up from where she was sitting to come look at the mess.

“Yes, just one.”

“Alright, I’ll give you this one chance but if either of you disrupt my class again you’re getting sent to the principal’s office. Now, change seats unless you want glass shards stuck in you feet. I’ll send an email to the janitor but in the meantime actually do your reading.” Says the teacher. Then she’s once again sitting at her desk.

The period passes in tense silence as everybody is reading. Some people try to talk to each other but are very quickly shut down by the teacher. Evan spends half the period on edge of his seat because suddenly everything feels wrong wrong wrong again and there’s nothing he can do. He can’t run away from this feeling, he can’t do anything to change this feeling because he doesn’t know why he feels like he does. He can’t even scream even though he really, really, really wants to for some reason. 

Something is wrong and the world is off kilter and there’s nothing Evan can do about it.

When the class ends Evan doesn’t even wait for the teacher to dismiss them and bolts. Connor is right behind him and once they’ve put enough space between themselves and the class they start talking.

“So that was weird.” Says Connor.

“Yeah.”

“What do you think that was?”

“I don’t know.”

“That was definitely supernatural.”

“I mean, yeah.”

“Make a deal with any faeries lately?”

“No!” Exclaims Evan, making his hands move back and forth fast to let show that he hasn’t done such a thing.

“Me neither, although I’m not sure what kind of deal you’d have to make for things like that to happen. Maybe someone is pranking us.”

“Using magic at school on other students is illegal.”

“Just because it’s illegal doesn’t mean someone isn’t gonna do it. I don’t know enough about this magic stuff to really speculate about it.”

Evan doesn’t know much about magic beings either. All he knows is from tv. Most people don’t openly say they practice witchcraft because, well, it’s got a bad connotation.

“I have to go, my mom is picking me up for my appointment.”

“Alright, see you later Hansen.”

After awkwardly waving at each other Evan goes to get his things and then leaves to find his mom. It takes about fifteen minutes for her to arrive but he doesn’t hold it against her, even when she asks if he was waiting a long time for he says no.

After that it’s a silent drive to his therapy session. It’s always weird when he goes to therapy sessions. Dr Sherman says he should try using other words to describe how he feels besides the obvious ones. Evan doesn’t really manage to do it because most of the time he doesn’t even know how he feels apart from tired. The therapy sessions also feel weird because for once he’s not focusing on what everybody else might be thinking or saying about him but what he thinks of himself. He usually doesn’t do that.

Today’s therapy session goes fast. Even though Evan forgot to write a letter to himself in the last few days he manages so cover it up by saying he was busy because he has a new friend. He tells doctor Sherman about Connor, omitting the screaming and passing out. Before Evan knows it the session’s over and he’s waiting for his mom to come pick him up.

After that the night goes by fast and without any nightmares. Then Evan is back in school standing once again in front of his locker. As if coming to do his rounds Jared comes over to talk to Evan. It feels like things are moving too fast and Evan has no grip on time.

“So how come Connor gets to sign your cast and I don’t?”

“You didn’t want to, remember?”

“Well yeah, but now I changed my mind. Hand it over.”

“My cast?”

“No, your arm dingus. I’m signing your cast.”

“Um, alright.” Says Evan putting his arm out in front of himself. Jared grabs, it almost possessively. He writes his name in big letters like Connor did, almost as if he was trying to show that Connor isn’t the only one who wrote on the cast. Evan notes in his head that Jared already had a marker in his hand when he was walking towards Evan, meaning that he didn’t just decide to sign Evan’s cast out of nowhere.

“Is uh, is there a reason you’re signing it now?”

“No, just felt like it.”

“Alright.” Says Evan doubting every word that comes out of Jared’s mouth. He doesn’t really believe Jared but doesn’t call him out either so it’s not like he’s any better. He turns back to his locker and opens it. The way the door swing makes it so that Evan can’t see Jared. That doesn’t stop Jared from talking at Evan.

“So it’s been a while since you’ve been over. My mom’s been nagging me to invite you over. You could like, come over tonight and we could play video games or something.”

Evan closes his locker and turns back towards Jared to turn him down.

“Connor and I are already...”

But there’s nobody there. Evan turns to looks around the hallway but all his classmates that had been talking and walking by only a second before have all vanished. Evan is alone.

The hallway is littered with pamphlets. Evan picks one up and read it. Apparently there is supposed to be an assembly on bullying and suicide prevention. Evan doesn’t remember hearing anything about it. It doesn’t explain why everybody’s disappeared.

Evan is starting to freak out. He thinks again that maybe he’s going crazy. That would probably explain it. He’s probably hallucinating all of this. Distantly he notes a muffled sound coming from the gym. It sounds like a microphone is being used like when there’s an assembly.

“Dude, Evan you there?l

Suddenly everything is back to normal. Evan is standing in front of his locker like he was just a minute ago. He isn’t holding a pamphlet in his hand and all the students that were there before they disappeared are back. Like nothing ever happened.

“What?”

“Dude you were standing in front of your locker doing nothing for like a whole minute. What’s up?”

“I, again?”

“Like I know sometimes you act weird but that was. Wait, what do you mean again?”

“I, I, i can’t hang out with you tonight and I, I’ve gotta go.” Says Evan starting to panic even more than before.

“Dude wait.” Says Jared trying to grab Evan’s attention unsuccessfully.

Evan makes a beeline for the bathroom and locks himself in the one of the stalls.

It’s only thirty minutes later that he manages to calm down enough to hear his phone ringing in his pocket. He almost starts panicking again when he looks at the screen and sees that his mom is the one who is calling him.

She’s probably calling because he didn’t show up for attendance and the school called her. She knows Evan doesn’t just miss school because he feels like it. She’s probably worried something happened to him. He should answer but as his finger hovers over the answer button he hesitates. He doesn’t know what he’s going to tell her, most of the time he doesn’t but now he feels clueless more than ever. Finally he answers.

“Evan! Honey are you alright? Your school called and said you were absent. Are you feeling sick?”

“No I, I’m fine. I. I had a panic attack so I locked myself in the bathroom.”

“Oh okay.” She whispers. There’s a silence for a beat and Evan knows she trying to think of what to say. It’s not easy having a child with anxiety. She probably wishes he weren’t like he is, or maybe that’s just him. “Do you want to talk about it honey?”

“Maybe later. Right now I’m just too tired to talk.”

“That’s fine, you can go back home for the day if you want.”

“I think I’ll stay in the school library, I’m supposed to meet with Connor tonight and go out to eat.”

“Alright, I’ll call the school and tell them that you don’t feel too well. Call me if there’s anything you need.”

“Ok, thank you.”

“Talk to you later honey.”

“Yeah, later.”

After the phone call Evan just stays in the toilet stall doing nothing for a while. He feels like the emotional equivalent to being wet and cold. After that he decides steady himself and head to the library, stopping on his way to get his lunch. He eats in the library and spends the rest of the day tucked away in a corner where not even the librarian goes. 

By the time school ends Evan feels a bit better. He reluctantly leaves his temporary sanctuary to go meet up with Connor. He finds him in front of his locker, visibly bored. When Evan approaches Connor spots him and seems to perk up at his arrival.

“Hey, I didn’t see you today.”

“Yeah, I um, had a panic attack earlier and spent the whole day in the library.”

“That sucks, how do you feel now?”

“Weird, but better. This has been a weird week.”

“Yeah. It definitely has. Ready to go?”

“Definitely.”

“We’re early so is there somewhere you wanna go?”

“Could we drop off my things at my house?”

“Sure.”

They head to Connor’s car and there is no monster looming over anybody. They get to Evan’s house without an incident and nobody dies. They drop Evan’s things off and the world doesn’t end. As they’re getting back into Connor’s car a voice tells Evan over and over again that things will go wrong, and Evan believes it.

The restaurant is on the other side of town near the town center so by the time they get there it’s almost five. It’s a semi-fancy Italian restaurant that has a menu a. Mile long and more pasta options than there are teachers in the town.

Getting there Evan realizes it’s fancier than he remembers. Thankfully a quick check online tells him that casual dress is accepted so he’s not going to get judged and pointed at by staff.

When they sit down Evan is assaulted by the mere length of the menu. Some of the names are in Italian too and while Evan knows some Hebrew and German he definitely does not know any Italian. Fortunately for him one of the last pages is dedicated to pizzas and there are pictures. He chooses the pizza that looks the best but isn’t too pricey.

“So what are you getting?” Asks Connor

“This pizza.” Says Evan turning his menu and pointing at the item.

“Good choice, that looks really good. I’m probably gonna take the seafood pasta. I’m always a slut for shrimp.”

Evan does a spit take on the water he was just drinking. He starts laughing a bit and Connor laughing too. He thinks it’s kind of sad that before he met Connor he can’t remember the last time he laughed.

“What?! It’s true!” Connor exclaims.

They manage to calm down by then. Enough time has passed for the waiter to come around and ask them what they want to order. Connor goes first and then it’s Evan’s turn to speak. He probably looks like he’s dying because Connor says his order for him after a second or two. The waiter nods approvingly at Evan’s choice before leaving.

“Thanks for that.”

“No problem. You said you had social anxiety and kinda looked like you were going to die so yeah.”

“Still, thanks.”

It’s a while before they get their meals which is to be expected as cooking a whole pizza does take some time to make. When their meals finally arrive they both dig in, both being quite ravenous. They talk about some things that happened that day and how mental illness sucks. Before either of them know it, an hour has passed and they’ve finished their meals.

“That was really good.” Says Connor.

“Yeah.”

“Wanna get dessert somewhere else? This place is kind of expensive and even though my parents are technically paying I’m still not really for spending a lot.”

“Yeah, sure. What did you have in mind.”

“There’s this one ice cream place near here called À la mode. It’s this ice cream shop from Montreal that kinda brands itself as being French.”

“That sounds good.”

Once they manage to flag the waiter and pay for their meals using the credit card of Connor’s mom their out of the restaurant and onto their next stop. On their way to the ice cream shop they spot Alana Beck wandering around. Once she spots them she comes over to where they’re standing. Waving all the way.

“Hey, what are you guys doing here?”

“We’re just hanging out.” Says Connor “What about you?”

“I’m waiting for someone I’m having a chat with.” She says, then quickly she changes subjects “By the way have you guys noticed anything strange?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, I’m just asking because some weird stuff has been happening lately.”

“Well we haven’t. But well let you know if we do. I still have your number from that one English project.”

“Alright thanks!” She says with enthusiasm.

Evan and Connor start walking again towards À la mode. Alana watches them leave before she goes to sit back down to the bus bench she was sitting on before they arrived.

 

Later that night Alana is still sitting on the bus bench near town square. It’s somewhere close eleven o'clock and there’s barely anybody around. The only cars passing by are those of overworked office workers going home late to their families. A few people pass by, not sparing her a glance. They just want to go home, they don’t care about the lone girl sitting on a bench waiting for the bus.

Alana’s been sitting there waiting for the bus to come for thirty minutes. She hates to be late to things so she always arrives very early. There are no buses this time of the night nor will there be any until the next morning. Be it because the town figured there was no point in encouraging people to go out late at night or because there is not enough funding in the public transportation’s sector there simply aren’t any busses that go from the town square to anywhere past ten thirty.

Alana stands up as she sees headlights heading towards the bus stop. The box of pastries she holds against herself weighs heavy as she wonders how this venture will go. This isn’t the first time she’s had to do this, knowing her it probably won’t be the last either.

The bus stops in front of her and she makes sure to keep head down and her eyes away from the bus driver while putting her bus fare into the machine to pay for her ride. She quietly thanks whoever’s behind the wheel and doesn’t wait for a response before heading towards the end of the bus. She’s there for a reason and wether she wants it or not, politeness towards people here isn’t something she can afford to do like she would elsewhere.

She sits down next to an elderly woman who looks to be reading a book. The impression that the woman is elderly is of course just that, an impression. Assumptions are a dangerous thing to have so Alana steers clear of them. It does help that she knows how this all works so she knows what to do and what to never do.

“You’re back here early.” The woman(?) says. It’s not a question, simply a statement. It’s almost never a question that comes out of that mouth. If it ever is, it’s because the question needs to be asked. Wording is always important, so wording a question is possibly the most important thing to do here.

“Indeed I am. I did as you told me I should and I investigated. Nothing came of it. No one died like my cards said and nothing has happened. So I have come to ask you a question.” Alana said. She may or may not have practiced in front of the mirror beforehand but it feels warranted considering the situation.

“Only one.” the old lady stated like a question. Of course it wasn’t one but a novice might think it to be one. “Then again you always have been a very concise girl, knowing what you want and how you want it. I would be surprised if there was anything in the universe that could stop you from doing what you set out to do if you set your mind to it.”

Maybe Alana would take it as a compliment from anyone else but from this woman (?) she was simply stating the facts. Even if those facts were from an objective point of view they still counted as facts.

She hands over the box to the woman(she might not be a woman, Alan’s too afraid to ask non-pertinent questions related to human gender binaries, after all this being is anything but human) and waits patiently for a response. The old being takes it eagerly and opens the box to inspect her gift. There are two apple turnovers, two strawberry strudels, two cinnamon buns and one chocolatine. 

She takes one of the strudels and plops it into what could possibly be her mouth. She looks happy, or at least what Alana can only assume must pass as happiness. Then her eyes quickly snap back to Alana. Like a shark can smell blood she can smell Alana’s intentions.

“Dear, while I do appreciate the gift, we both know how this works. We also both know that while I do enjoy pastries, they don’t keep me alive. Secrets do.”

Alana sighs, she was hoping this time would be different even though she knew it wouldn’t be. Alana thinks somebody once called that insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. But Alana isn’t insane, she just doesn’t like to give up. According to one of her dads that might be her worst and best quality.

“Alright. One time when I was in elementary school I faked a being ill with a certain virus to be able to work full time on a science project to beat Dana P.’s project to smithereens. As it turns out I didn’t do enough research on the disease. It’s only later when I was in the doctor’s office that I found out it can really damage your lungs in the long term. So to this day I still have biannual check ups. I always manage to not get caught, I once did a spell to fake out an ultrasound. Not even my dads know the truth.”

The old being sighs contently like someone might after drinking a crisp glass of water on a hot summer day. Alana isn’t sure when it closed it’s eyes but she knows that now the being’s eyes are open.

“Today you did find what I told you to look for. Your actions have already set in motion a path that will lead you to what you are looking for. But for the sake of this exchange I will give you something else. Look into the flood.”

“The flood.” Repeats Alana without a tone in her voice. She wouldn’t want the creature to think she was asking a question.

“Look specifically into where the flood happened.” They say, voice vibrating out of what could possibly be a throat.

“Thank you, I will.”

“This is your stop.”

Suddenly the ‘bus’ lurches forwards and then stops. She knows how this goes so she gives a nod at the old lady and then gets out through the door on the right side of the bus and not the one in front. She has never seen the ‘conductor’ of the bus and doesn’t know if she ever will.

When she gets out she looks back and sees that the windows in the bus are blacked out, as though there are no lights on in the bus. The door through which she exited close behind her and then the bus is on it’s way. She doesn’t stop looking straight forwards, never once trying to follow the bus with her eyes. She checks her watch and sees that it’s exactly the same time as when she got on the bus. She is not surprised by this in any way. Once the bus rolls out of her eyesight she finally looks back to see that there is nothing there. This also doesn’t come as surprise to her. 

With a sigh she takes out a small notebook and a pen she keeps in her pocket and writes down the conversation she just had. The overhead lamppost being the only source of light in the street she on. Once she’s finished she snaps her notebook shut and puts it in her coat pocket.

Then she heads towards the front door of her house. Preparing herself for the stern talking her dads are probably gonna give her for coming back so late. And if they ask, she’ll say she came back by walking. After all, there are no buses this late at night.

**Author's Note:**

> If you like this feel free to leave a kudos and check my tumblr @whooly-shep, I don’t post much on it but still check it out if you feel like it.


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